I have spent many a hours in locker rooms. Swim pool locker rooms, weight lifting locker rooms, gym locker rooms, and yoga locker rooms—all over the country, at colleges large and small, at spas, at hotels, at fitness centers, at yoga studios, at beaches, at local YMCAs.
You name it, I’ve seen it. The old, the young, the obese, the anorexic, the athletes, and the exercise-aholics.
I’ll spare you those gruesome details, though. Because I’m a good friend like that.
But because I’ve noticed a disturbingly high incidence of particularly rude, annoying, and obnoxious behaviors at my yoga studio, and because it’s been a bitch of a week thus far, and because I’m feeling more cynical than usual, what I will share with you instead is a list of locker room no-no’s.*
Now. Ahem. Please pay attention, people.
1. Don’t change in the bathroom stall. It’s where we pee, ladies, not where we swap outfits. See that toilet? Yeah, it’s not a stool for you to rest your work pants on while you slip into your yoga gear. We’re all women. What’s to hide? (See no. 6.) Plus, we have only two stalls—for a gazillion women. Who all drank three liters of water today. Do the math.
2. Don’t stand in the middle of the room yapping on your cell phone for all to hear. Truthfully? It’s a small space. I don’t really want to hear how your boyfriend forgot to pay the cable bill again or how you just can’t believe so-and-so did that last night! I came here for the yoga, not your life story.
3. Don’t take over a quarter of the room with your 3 million bags, purses, coats, towels, and toiletry kits. Share the space, gals.
4. Don’t brush your hair in my face. My head sheds enough, thank you.
5. Don’t stand directly in front of a wall of lockers and yap-yap-yap with someone, while you blatantly ignore the other person standing behind you who just wants to get her damn clothes out of the locker you’re blocking. Courtesy! This is America—we’re all in a rush to hurry off to our next destination!
6. Don’t fear changing…in the room designated for changing. What’s with the shyness, the darting-eye paranoia that everyone is looking at you, watching you, assessing your curves? No need to spend all that time draping your towel over your shoulders or making a to-do of pulling your sports bra on over your bra, then unhooking your bra, then pulling your bra out from under your tight-as-second-skin sports bra… Really? Come on. Get over it. I have my own pair of breasts. I don’t need to look at yours.
7. Don’t pretty yourself in the mirror. What’s the point? You’re about to go work out for 90 minutes in a hot, humid room and soak yourself in sweat, toxins, and other bodily fluids. Honestly, do you really think anyone is going to notice your hair or make-up?
And, now, because I’m on a roll and because I work on a floor that has just one bathroom for two companies—my own and another small firm—let’s review a few office bathroom don’ts as well.**
These are equally important, of course. Especially so as to avoid being “That Woman” ’round the water cooler. (See, I’m looking out for you!)
1. Don’t be that coworker who continues talking to me after I’ve gone into a stall—and audibly started peeing. We’re not in a bar. You’re not my best friend. We can chat when we’re back at our desks, okay?
2. Don’t be that woman who gets ready in the office powder room. Must you strew your face wash, moisturizer, deodrant, hair dryer, hair pick, mascara, and lipstick all across the counter? I’ll awkwardly step around you and try not to splash on your belongings in the hopes that you’re simply experiencing massive water failure at your place of residence and don’t have access to a functioning bathroom.
3. Don’t talk on your cell phone while in the loo. Those are toilet stalls, not telephone booths.
4. Don’t be that litterer who misses the trash can and then walks right past the wet paper towel you just threw on the floor. Yeah, we have janitors, but they only stop by once a day. And that isn’t even the point. We’re adults; let’s pick up after ourselves, shall we?
5. Don’t ignore the second flush. I get it—sometimes, you need a second wipe. Happens to the best of us. But, well, then flush a second time, too. It’s just plain gross to leave it there for the next stall visitor to find.
I’ve done all I can do. Now, go forth. Prosper. Be better locker room and bathroom men and women. And just remember to wash your hands on the way out.
———————————-
* Being the refined men and women that you are, I doubt you dabble in any of these rude, annoying, and obnoxious behaviors…
** I’ve found it’s one thing to put up with the bathroom habits of your immediate coworkers. But, to have to share with other strangers, from another office? Whew. It’s a bit much.
No comments:
Post a Comment